i can see right through just so you know it...

transparency... 

instead of reflecting on you

i’m thinking more of me

i know i seem all put together

but nothing is ever what it seems

i don’t even know where to begin 

i’m good 2 other people 

i do 4 other people 

but for myself — i still sin. 

i wrestle back and forth with my demons

i think i get rid of one

and then they come back 

and bring more friends

i’ve been chasing my light with

the dar(H)kness

it’s a fucking battle within 

sometimes i can’t stand the wind

when will i win?

————

4 you i’m a solider

but for myself i can’t stand the sight. 

nowhere in life has love ever treated me right. 

starting over with new souls gives me a fright

they see how bright i shine and then plot to diminish my light...

no one will ever love me. 

i’m not who i was anymore.

i can never go back, 

but there’s pieces of this woman that i wish i could get back. 

everytime i close my eyes i see her so vividly 

i wish i had a chance to tell her what she meant to me

never would i think that love would ruin you like this

had i known your fate

i would’ve made you wait 

you only have 1 heart

how many more breaks could it take? 

don’t be so stupid. 

this shit has driven me insane. 

why do i always challenge the outcome when i know our fate has the same name?

there’s no need for the blame game...

i see you

just like you see me

these mirrors are for the both of us

to reveal those flaws we choose not 2 see...

i can’t go back to who i used to be...

they used me.

they made me feel like i wasn’t worth shit 

so when you tell me that you’re down for me and it’s 4 life

i won’t trust it

my faith has failed me too many times

and bitches be FUCKING lyin’

—————

my heart has burned into flames

i swore to never 4get you

but i’d rather not know your name

my mind has crossed the line

i’m thinking evil thoughts

but still loving you

all the while hating myself

why am i so ready and willing to give away the love that i know i need for myself? 

i need help. 

if i’m not deserving of this loneliness

why haven’t i been saved yet?

they used me as the pavement 

nothing above what the bottom of their shoe could see...

why would i believe anyone who thinks they love me? 

they told me my love was too strong 

and they put me to shame. 

they convinced me that i‘m deserving of this pain.

they took all i had to offer 

and left me with nothing to gain.

pain. 

for years. 

that’s all i felt. 

i thought that shit subsided, but it’s back like it never left. 

everybody knows the truth... 

transparency...