TRaNSPaRENCY.
i can see right through just so you know it...
transparency...
instead of reflecting on you
i’m thinking more of me
i know i seem all put together
but nothing is ever what it seems
i don’t even know where to begin
i’m good 2 other people
i do 4 other people
but for myself — i still sin.
i wrestle back and forth with my demons
i think i get rid of one
and then they come back
and bring more friends
i’ve been chasing my light with
the dar(H)kness
it’s a fucking battle within
sometimes i can’t stand the wind
when will i win?
————
4 you i’m a solider
but for myself i can’t stand the sight.
nowhere in life has love ever treated me right.
starting over with new souls gives me a fright
they see how bright i shine and then plot to diminish my light...
no one will ever love me.
i’m not who i was anymore.
i can never go back,
but there’s pieces of this woman that i wish i could get back.
everytime i close my eyes i see her so vividly
i wish i had a chance to tell her what she meant to me
never would i think that love would ruin you like this
had i known your fate
i would’ve made you wait
you only have 1 heart
how many more breaks could it take?
don’t be so stupid.
this shit has driven me insane.
why do i always challenge the outcome when i know our fate has the same name?
there’s no need for the blame game...
i see you
just like you see me
these mirrors are for the both of us
to reveal those flaws we choose not 2 see...
i can’t go back to who i used to be...
they used me.
they made me feel like i wasn’t worth shit
so when you tell me that you’re down for me and it’s 4 life
i won’t trust it
my faith has failed me too many times
and bitches be FUCKING lyin’
—————
my heart has burned into flames
i swore to never 4get you
but i’d rather not know your name
my mind has crossed the line
i’m thinking evil thoughts
but still loving you
all the while hating myself
why am i so ready and willing to give away the love that i know i need for myself?
i need help.
if i’m not deserving of this loneliness
why haven’t i been saved yet?
they used me as the pavement
nothing above what the bottom of their shoe could see...
why would i believe anyone who thinks they love me?
they told me my love was too strong
and they put me to shame.
they convinced me that i‘m deserving of this pain.
they took all i had to offer
and left me with nothing to gain.
pain.
for years.
that’s all i felt.
i thought that shit subsided, but it’s back like it never left.
everybody knows the truth...
transparency...